Dec 18 i finally get my 3rd and hopefully last rattie.. she is so cute petite and quite a bitter.. thinking that my finger is food..

She seems so hungry, feed her wit worms but she doesnt wan so... she bit stinky but still cute.. love her muax muax.. she kept tagging along behind rain n thunder back.. bt sadly two of them seems 2 be either busy sleeping, or ignore her all the way.. hopefully when i am at home.. she still in one piece and alive.. (touch wood)

MY Xmas Present:

 

 

Finally i have change the BEDDing for my pets.. two thumbs up for this Breeder celect..No nid for me 2 have the stink smell and bedding get kick out from the cage.. I think their seems 2 prefer this bedding.. I have add vit C in their drinks.. and now their are fighting for the botol water..so cute..

 

Phobia of my hse area, phobia of walking home all alone. even phobia getting out of my house. U jst felt that Chr is not safe anymore. Even my hse is no safe as before after the robbery incident and few mth down the road me being the so called nearly a snatch and run victim.

As pathetic as its sound now, i wish i have a companion wit a transport that could send me back home daily.. I cant stand it no more..

I might be crazy and going 2 tanjung rambutan if i still behaving this way. Every day 5 days a week i will have the phobia feeling of even walking to work and vice versa.

 

Curse the mutha fucker who turn me in this pathetic human being. I knw i am stronger that this.. I dont deserve this, i dont wan to chicken out...

 

arrggg!!

 

i DONT knw what is wrong wit me.. I tot shooping was supposed 2 be fun since i assume all gurls like it.. bt for me its a never ending night mare, carry all the heavy bags, go to one by one store to see the price, to try some shirts shoes and etc.. I cant imagine my shopaholic buddy "s" bought 2 shoes in one time during mega sales. This is really madness. She really superb in chossing and she can calculate using her mind.. duh i felt so stupid by that time..

Finish bt rm130 buying 2 tees, heels from nose, and toiletries..

 

 

Love u guys so mch..

 

 

I wonder colour u turn up 2 be???

 

Farewell my dear friend. Thana, you have light up each of our life is small ways through ur laughter smile and happy go lucky attitude. God love you more than we love you, he wanted you to be with him more earlier and taken all ur suffering away. May you soul be rest in peace.

Finally you be some where there are no more tubes and machine hanging on you, you wont be suffer no more.

Reading back my friendster comment from frends and family i really felt so lost in my own world. I am not seems to be my self latetly after the disaster break up and heart break, I miss my old self, the one that will stand up for my own right. the one that is happy go lucky person.

I have it when i always have to be sour face, thinkining nonsences all the time, filling up my heads with all the negative tought. I am 29 bt i am acting like 60 years old woman.. I still have long live to leave bt i throw it all away, by being grumpy. I did things so fast that i forget how the world works anymore.

I always rush into stuff and conclusion. I let my hatred and sadness taken over me bit by bit, i am growing a monster in my own self. I lost self respect and respect for other. I start to look down on ppl and nvr appreciated ppl and thing around me..

I must change.. i must control my self not being control by mind or soul, i am equally as important as my mind and soul.

 

 

 

 

 

I never imagine in my life things gone to moderate to worse. I went to hell of an experiences at 7.25pm.. Was walking from bus stop to home and planning to go pasar malam. Passing thru TMn M and two fucker in the motorcycle holding a stick heading to my side.. i have the sense smtg is really wrong..the guy try 2 grab my sling bag i fight back and he use the stick wanted 2 hit me.. and shouted at me "mau mati ka" when i heard that kinda words its really boil me up to the maximum. I shout like mad woman help thieves and the madness begun.. he can grab my bag he grab my shirt and my button fall off.. damn u stupid malay ass...

The neighbour heard my shouting and sm of them shouted back... and the chicken out and leave me alone... I run to the nearest hse and shivering infront of the gates and the gentleman open the gates and let me in.. asking me if everything okey? and i said its okey.. he was kind mad at the thieves and wanted 2 chase them... the mum stop him from doing this silly aka dangerous stuff.. the family is really my life saviour.. bless them for being so nice..

What is wrong wit the police in the world? as long as ur okey n ur bag not stolen no body bother 2 care to even want 2 assist me.. "anda boleh balik" tk yah buat report and he the policeman scolded me for bring sling back.. as usually i told hm straight 2 the face... lucky sy bwk sling back kalau bwk hand bag mgm beg saya dh kena ambik..

use ur brain dnt jst sit there goyang kaki!!!!

Why izit so hard for me 2 let go? Why must i carry the burden all the way? Why there are so much Y in my head now.

If he can live back his own life and act like nothing happen, why cant i? I have being thru hell worse thant this bt i manage to survive. bt when come to love i am always the victim?

I just want to have back my normal life and put him behind, izit so hard for me 2 understand. Its jst like spilt personality. I be happy and then be sad (going insane)

 

 

As being one of my favourite hobbies, mamak session will be one of the many favourites in most Malaysians' culture. Personally, I enjoy it because you get updates of your friends' daily activities, who they're into lately, how much they've spent in last three days and etc, but most importantly, you get to know about them better and how you can actually learn from them. I would sometimes think that how fortunate I am for not being in their position and be thankful of it. It helps in self-reflecting and analyzing too.

There was once when a friend, M told me that he has a dream. A dream of earning big bucks and living a life which every person in the whole world would be dreaming about. I saluted him for a fabulous dream and vision he is owning but is he taking the steps of realizing his dreams? What makes things worse are the attitude of him bragging all the way that he's already earning thousands of US DOLLARS and his late father has left him some valuable assets? In front of us who're close to him and know every single bits of his life? Awfully horrifying statement. To be frank, I admire his will to go big but isn't it a bit of an unnecassary action to brag imaginary things, just to catch some females' attention? Another friend of mine, P said he's a loser, who likes to brag. Is he really a loser? My opinion: No, he isn't a loser. A little sympathetic to this dear friend of mine and the real story is…

M's father passed away when he's still studying in high school. As being the eldest among
the three siblings, he has to be the breadwinner of his family. From the
current conditionof his family, he vowed to continue to provide a comfortable living
for them, taking over his father's legacy. That's why he has big dreams.
His intention is clear, sincere and kind. He wants to support his two younger
brothers in their studies. Assuming that he won't excel in studies anyway, therefore,
he chose not to further his tertiary studies after high school and save the money for
his brothers' acedemic fees instead. However, it made him developed a habit,
bragging the false and untrue.
It is understood that the real reason for him doing that is because he doesn't want
anybody to see the hell that he's now going through. He wants to be known as a normal
and capable person, just like everybody else. I pity him for that but talking about the false
without knowing the limit can do damage to himself one day. Instead of building confidence
to himself, he'll lose it terribly when everyone finds out that he can't be trusted and no one
would listen to him. The trust will be gone. He'll be known as someone who can't be frank
to himself and everybody else.

I've known M for almost 8 years. I've never given up hope on him. As being a friend who's the closest to him after his brothers, I really, really admire his will to go beyond everybody's doubts. What I'm afraid of is, before he can really make it (I know he will), everybody has already turn their backs on him. Then, he'll experience the most terrible moment of his life and eventually, harmful to his self-esteem and confidence.

Till then, hope he'll really understand why do I keep on reminding him to keep his feet solely on the ground. God bless.